In the wake of tragedy

In the wake of the recent Boston Marathon tragedy, I can't help but feel so much anger for the world that we find ourselves living in right now.  It's absolutely surreal to me the amount of anger and pure hatred that continues to grow in our society on a daily basis. 
Part of me wants to blame the media.  Without the constant coverage and celebrity type hype following such tragic events it's hard to imagine that people would still do these things. 
Part of me wants to blame the leaders (current and previous) of this supposedly wonderful country we live in.  The emotional, moral and financial demise of our country is surely at some blame for the increase of people "snapping" lately. 
Part of me wants to blame the lack of good, wholesome morals and values instilled in our children and lack of punishment for bad behavior.  I believe that our society has become so soft on certain areas of child rearing.  I do not agree with child abuse by any means, however, when I was growing up you can guarantee that if I got my butt paddled for something naughty I was certainly going to think long and hard about doing it again if ever.

All of that being said.... the Boston tragedy hit a little closer to home than I thought it would.  No, not because I know someone that was running.  Not because I've ever been there or planned to visit.
But because I've recently become a runner myself.  My heart goes out to all of those people that have spent countless hours preparing for this event; some of them seasoned veterans but some of them maybe their first ever marathon; some of them supporters that came out to rally their loved ones.  For an event that can be such an emotional and physical journey for most to end this way makes me sick to my stomach.  And it made me RUN harder and faster than I ever have.  Running for all of those people that can't or won't again.
My running story started simply as walking after my diabetes diagnosis in September '12.  Walking was a nice relaxing way to blow off some steam, listen to my tunes and get the 150 minutes of exercise I was requested to get by my doctor.  Walking turned into jogging at some point and I remember the feeling of accomplishment I would have after I picked up the pace.  I also noticed that all of the anxiety, anger and confusion that I would bring home from a long day seemed to disappear as I lost myself in the music, my surroundings and the sound of my own breathing.  On especially rough days, I found myself picking up the pace even more and running to clear my head, maybe even "running" from my problems to a certain extent. 
It was exhilarating and at some point I saw in the mirror what it was doing to my body.  That is the day that it became an obsession.  Yes, I am obsessed with it and no I'm not ashamed to admit that. Running is my release. There are some days that I think about running all day long.  I've even started to get up early, early in the morning (even on a weekend) to go running before I get ready for work or the day.  And then I want to run when I get home.
It is amazing to me how my body has changed, how my mind has changed and how my outlook on life has changed in the last 9 months.  I have pushed myself physically and emotionally more than I ever have in my life and I'm proud of what I have accomplished.  I have shaved off 5 minutes from my mile time since I started running, even though I continue my bad habit of smoking (which I am very close to giving up).  I have lost 10 overall inches from my body.  I have dropped 5 pants sizes and my thighs are like solid boulders!
And I've done it all by myself and all for myself.  Because of running I have found a new person in the jumbled mess I call my brain.  A person with more determination, drive and self love than I could have ever imagined, and I really admire her...

Time Flies When You're Having Fun- Part II

Trip down memory lane here 

Parker turned 18 years old this week.  It's hard to believe that he's an adult... that he graduates High School this year.... that he starts college in September. 
He's turned into such a wonderful, responsible young man and I am so proud to say he's my step-son.

DIY STUFFS: Laundry Soap

Laundry... besides dishes, it is the one thing in our house that is NEVER ENDING!  Along with never ending laundry comes never ending laundry soap and the crazy expense.  My preferred is Tide, but I can no longer allow myself to spend the crazy $$$ on it.  I've gone generic for the last 2 purchased bottles.  And now... I've gone home-made!   $7 and about 15 minutes later, I have enough laundry soap for 1200 loads!

I found all of the ingredients at my local Walmart in the laundry section.  1 box Super Washing Soda, 1 box 20 Mule Team Borax and 1bar Fels-Naptha laundry soap bar.

Step 1:
Grate the bar of Fels- Naptha into a food processor or blender. 

*note:  it may be a great idea to keep the grater as "laundry soap only" since it may be hard to get it completely clean for use with food.  I got this one at the Dollar Store

Step 2:  Process the grated soap down to granules.  Since I don't have a food processor I used my blender.  I would run it for 30 seconds and then stir it around with a spoon.  All total, it took about 3 minutes to get the results I was looking for.

 

Step 3:  Still in blender/food processor- Mix granulated soap, 1/2 cup Borax, 1/2 cup Washing Soda.  Blend long enough for ingredients to be mixed together.

 

Finished Product:

Use 1-2 tablespoons for normal large loads.  Yes, you read correctly TABLESPOONS!  This is probably the hardest part to get used to!  It does get your clothes clean and fresh smelling though!

There are tons of variations of this recipe on the web.  I have also seen mixing the entire box of Borax, entire box of Washing Soda, 3 bars of Fels- Naptha and 1 container of Oxy Clean to make 1 year supply of soap.



50 Completely Honest Things About Me - Part 13 of 50

50 Completely Honest Things About Me - Part 13 of 50-
I have Diabetes

This is a hard one for me to post about. 

It may not seem like a big deal... lose some weight, exercise more and take some medication, everything will be okay. 

But it's much more than that....

Yesterday is the day I realized that I did this to myself....Yesterday is the day that I saw the picture of myself at my heaviest... Yesterday is the day I realized that I was slowly killing myself.



This is me at 217 lbs- August 2010

When I tell my friends and family how much I weighed and that I was wearing a size 18 & 20 pants all of them gasp and say "no way were you that big".  Don't get me wrong, I knew that I had gained a lot of weight over the years and that my clothes just kept getting smaller, but it didn't register in the mirror, not the way this picture registered last night.  I knew I was big, it depressed me, I ate more to fill the void.  I was lazy (with a capital L), which I laughed at and shrugged off as a classic Taurus characteristic (as posted here).  I was always able to joke about it, that's my nature.  Inside I was angry and disgusted with myself, but didn't know how to change what I had done, didn't know how to get motivated.  I tried Weight Watchers, but I wasn't disciplined enough to track everything that went in my mouth. 
I knew that my risk was increased since my father and a grandfather both were Diabetic.  The increased risk didn't phase me, I'm only 32- I have many more years before I have to worry about Diabetes.  Type 2 Diabetes is something you are diagnosed with later in life, in your 50's or 60's.  Not so my friends, not so.  It all came crashing down on September 6, 2012 when I was diagnosed with diabetes.  I had an increase in thirst and urination and a reoccurring yeast infection that finally sent me to the doctor.  I was also lethargic, tired, not hungry and dropping weight even though I wasn't trying.  ALL warning signs that I should have put together but didn't. 
At my doctor appointment I weighed 201 lbs,  they tested my blood and my sugars were 380 (normal range is 80-100).  My hemoglobin A1C test (the amount of sugar attached to your cells over a 3 month period) was 8.9 (normal range is 4-6).  I remember immediately breaking down in hysterics the minute the doctor diagnosed me.  She hugged me and told me that it would be okay, but I had to make some changes.  I needed to start eating better and I needed a regular exercise routine, even just walking.

I left that appointment thinking that my life was over.  That I was just given an early death sentence.  What I realize now is that I left that appointment and was given another chance,  I had already been giving myself the early death sentence for years.

I came home and cried so more, talked to my husband and parents and friends.  No one could believe it.  I started going to my DEC's- Diabetic Education Classes, and a support group.  I started doing research online.  I met with a nutritionist and started watching my Carb intake.  And I started exercising- just walking at first.  Within 1 month I was down a pant size.  And then another pant size the next month.  My 3 month check-up in December 2012 went amazing.  My sugars were down to an average of 120 and my hemoglobin A1C was down to 5.7.  
I bought a treadmill and started running.  I signed up for my first 5K.   And I kept on pants shopping monthly!  At my 6 month check-up last week I am proud to say that my average blood sugar is 107, I have lost 40 lbs in 6 months and I am in a size 10 pant!  My doctor told me I should be proud of myself... and you know what?  I AM.  I have been working my ass off to get to this point!

This is me now at 161 lbs- February 2013

It hasn't been as horrible as I thought it would.  I follow a lower carb diet- I allow 45 carbs per meal (which is a little harder than you think when you start looking at carb counts of foods), I watch portion control, I eliminated sugar items and go with no sugar added.  But I splurge on occasion and don't feel like I had to give anything up completely.   And I run and weight train in my own living room 3-5 days a week.  Sometimes I get lazy again and I don't run for a few days and I can tell that I feel like crap and my mood is crap.   I find that running actually clears my head and I don't have as much anxiety as I used to.  My sugars are at a controlled level and I no longer have acne breakouts all over my body.  I no longer break a sweat and get winded just walking upstairs.
I feel like a million bucks!

Here's a side by side- Before & Now.  I don't say after because I have 26 lbs to go to my goal weight.  I have no doubt that I will reach that by summer and I am happy knowing that I'm doing it the right way (no fad diets, or starving myself)- good ol' fashion healthy eating & exercise!

2 YEARS...

It's hard to believe that it has been two years since Tom passed away.  It feels like just yesterday.  The sound of his laugh is still so prominent in my brain. The grieving has not stopped, and at this point I don't know if it ever will.  So many things have happened over the last 2 years and so many things have changed.  In the good, there always seems to be a little bit of happiness missing because he's not here to share.  In the bad, it never seems to be as horrible, because nothing feels as bad as losing him.  There will never be another Tom.  If you are family or friends of his I'm sure that you agree,  a little piece of your soul has gone missing.

RIP buddy- we miss you so much...

50 Completely Honest Things About Me - Part 12 of 50

Part 12 of 50:  I am the poster child of the sign Taurus

I am not an overly astrological person, nor do I really know anything about the signs besides my own.  However, I recently saw a break down of the sign of Taurus and was astounded.  It fits me to a T.

Taurus Strength Keywords:

- Dependable   (I would give you the shirt off my back and anything else you would need: any day, at any time of the day)- Persistent   (When I want something done- it will get done, so help me God)
- Loyal    (I will most likely come back as a dog)- Patient   (I can be, but I don't particularly like it)- Generous   (I love the feeling of giving gifts and suprising people)

Taurus Weakness Keywords:

- Stubborn   (When my mind is made up, it is like a concrete block)- Laziness   (I prefer to refer to myself as a Relaxologist)- Possessive   (I am like a mama bear with her cubs)
- Materialistic   (What can I say...I like pretty things)- Self-indulging   (In my defense, I am an only child)

Taurus and Independence:

Taurus is not the one who ventures out into the unknown and leads the way, Taurus is the one that will follow the leader and strengthen and build upon the discovered, in other words they are the one that will "dot the I's and cross the T's". This perseverance is given to them by their stubborn streak. Taurus stubborn streak is what gives their independence. They like to do things their way. They are perfectly fine on being alone, this way things get done they way they want them to be done. Taurus is not a follower, but they are not the brave one either. Taurus is perfectly independent. With their perseverance, they get things done and can do quite well for themselves.

I am the oppitame of this statement.  I have never been a leader, in the sense that the leader tends to take the fall if things go array.  I don't like to take the fall.  I will, however, take the ball and run.  I like things done my way- because it's the right way. 

Taurus and Friendship:

A Taurus is an excellent friend. Taurus has few close friends as opposed to many acquaintances. The few people they hold dear to them are guarded and protected. Their friends are treated like family and they are fiercely loyal and dependable. Taurus loves to be the host or hostess. Although not a total social butterfly, they can be shy around strangers, the people who Taurus let into their lives are lavishly catered to when Taurus decides to throw a party, they decorate and present everything lavishly. Taurus will always pamper themselves and their close group of friends.

I've been told that I have too many friends, but as the statement says above "Taurus has few close friends as opposed to many acquaintances".  I have the group of girls that I consider my close friends, my sisters, my soul mates.  I would do just about anything for them, and actually crave conversation and time with them.  Each and everyone of them are different from the next and each one brings a wonderful quality to the table.  I sometimes look at us as a pie chart- each of us being a different section but each being needed to make the pie whole.
If money were no object, or my paycheck was actually not needed to maintain our household, I would own my own party/wedding planning business.  I would need to have 10 weddings to use all of the ideas that I had for ours. 

Taurus and Business:

Taurus is a strong business person. Taurus is the one who has immense perseverance, even when others have given up, the Taurus rages on. They have a knack for finance and their financial advice is prized. They know where money is to be made and have the ability to manipulate and set the path for their own success. Taurus are not frivolous spenders but they like to live lavishly and surround themselves with nice possessions and foods, which all adds up resulting in large spending habits. They will not spend all their money and cause their business to fail because if they do, their security and stability will be gone and this will cause them great stress.

Money and financial strain are the biggest stressors in my life.  I like to make money and will hold 10 jobs if need be, but I also like to have nice, pretty things.  When our pocket book gets slim, I tend to put the brakes on spending and it can cause arguments.

Taurus Temperament:

Taurus are deeply sensitive, the slightest comment or negative remark will be taken personally and they can easily get offended or hurt. Their stubborn streak results in laziness. They can be very lazy when someone gives them orders or wants them to do something they do not want to do. They are not lazy when it comes to themselves.

I can cry at the drop of a hat. I can throw a temper tantrum with the best of the 2 year olds.  And I do tend to take things to heart.  When I don't want to do something, I .Don't.Want.To.Do.It.  Have you ever tried getting a donkey to walk forward when it doesn't want to?

Taurus Deep Inside:

Taurus are not fond of change. In fact, is change is imminent, they get very nervous and worried. They do not like anything new because anything new is unknown and Taurus fears the unknown. Taurus needs order in their lives and when they do not have order, they get very anxious. Taurus will cut themselves off from the unfamiliar in order to avoid the feelings of insecurity that arise when new experiences and situations are present. Taurus do not express their feelings openly and their inner self is contained and secretive. Many people do not know how sensitive Taurus really is, they hide it well. As a result, they are often emotionally hurt when the wrong things are said, they take things too personally sometimes. Taurus avoids talking about their emotions and many people never really know how they feel.

Something as small as having to take a new route to work due to construction, irritates me.  I do not do change, AT.ALL.  I have a routine, and I stick to it no matter what.  I write lists.  I have an order of doing EVERYTHING, and if I stray from that order I am just off the rest of the day.  I hold things in, until the explode like Mt. St Helen.  But I love when others open up to me.  I want to know the deepest, darkest secrets of a persons life- it makes me feel closer to them knowing all.

Taurus in a Nutshell:

Taurus is the one who has immense perseverance, even when others have given up, the Taurus rages on. Solid and persistent, just like the bull, which is Taurus' well suited symbol. Taurus's have a well known reputation for being stubborn, which is not necessarily a bad thing. The stubborn streak can cause Taurus to butt heads and conflict with other strong character types. Taurus are not fond of change. They like the familiar and routine comfort of life. Taurus is easy going and not one to pick a fight but should some poor souls attempt to provoke Taurus, the wrath will be known, for they have a temper underneath the calm surface. Taurus are very responsive to their surroundings. They like decorations, color, anything that appeals to all the senses. Taurus like possessions and the Taurus home is nicely decorated with lots of things. Taurus are down to earth, they do not like gaudy, flashy or over the top things. They prefer comfortable and creative settings and objects. Taurus likes security, in every aspect of their lives from home, to love, to career. Taurus can be secretive, opinionated and stingy. Taurus tend to be self-indulgent and lazy, Taurus are master procrastinators of the astrology zodiac! They do however have a strong, persistent drive that comes to life when they chose, and no one would ever know that they are lazy. The secret to this is that their laziness is pushed aside when it comes to themselves.

The color of choice for Taurus is PINK
Your Starstone is the EMERALD

College Commentaries- Part 3

I have decided to start back on a series that I previously started, The College Commentaries.  If you are not up to speed you can view Part 1 HERE  and Part 2 HERE

I wondered if I was ready for what the big city was like and secretly missed quiet little Dunbar. I only hoped that we'd get along...

My new roommate "C" and I got along well at first, although we had obvious differences.  I was very girly- loving fashion, make-up & hair.  C was goth-ish.  I was the life of the party, easy to make friends and ready to explore life on my own.  C was quiet and reserved.  I was a christian, although not practicing.  C was Wiccan and a "mother earth" type soul.  We were definitely on opposite sides of the spectrum.  It would be similar to Annette Funicello and Wednesday Adams rooming together!  We were both messy, but the day that I almost broke my neck surfing across the room on one of C's school folders, was the day that I vowed to have a place for everything and everything in its place.
By mid-semester, C started to sleep mostly during the day but was up late at night, she rarely went to class.  I started to not want to hang out in my room.  I was looking for something else.  I decided to take a walk one night, just to get out of our room, away from the strange music and attempts at seances.  I entered the UC, not really knowing what I would find.  I obviously looked lost or Freshman-esk and a girl at the soda machine asked if I needed directions.  I just explained that I was out looking for something fun to do but didn't know of anything going on.  She introduced herself as Sarah and told me about an All Sorority Rush event going on upstairs.  I was never interested in "buying my friends" and had not thought twice about joining a sorority.  She said that there was no pressure to join, but to come up for some free snacks and drinks and girl talk.  I met a lot of wonderful ladies that night from 3 different sororities and was taken to my first ever Frat party.  I was gung-ho after that, I just needed to make a decision on which sorority to pursue in hopes of getting a bid.....