Wednesday, April 17, 2013

In the wake of tragedy

In the wake of the recent Boston Marathon tragedy, I can't help but feel so much anger for the world that we find ourselves living in right now.  It's absolutely surreal to me the amount of anger and pure hatred that continues to grow in our society on a daily basis. 
Part of me wants to blame the media.  Without the constant coverage and celebrity type hype following such tragic events it's hard to imagine that people would still do these things. 
Part of me wants to blame the leaders (current and previous) of this supposedly wonderful country we live in.  The emotional, moral and financial demise of our country is surely at some blame for the increase of people "snapping" lately. 
Part of me wants to blame the lack of good, wholesome morals and values instilled in our children and lack of punishment for bad behavior.  I believe that our society has become so soft on certain areas of child rearing.  I do not agree with child abuse by any means, however, when I was growing up you can guarantee that if I got my butt paddled for something naughty I was certainly going to think long and hard about doing it again if ever.

All of that being said.... the Boston tragedy hit a little closer to home than I thought it would.  No, not because I know someone that was running.  Not because I've ever been there or planned to visit.
But because I've recently become a runner myself.  My heart goes out to all of those people that have spent countless hours preparing for this event; some of them seasoned veterans but some of them maybe their first ever marathon; some of them supporters that came out to rally their loved ones.  For an event that can be such an emotional and physical journey for most to end this way makes me sick to my stomach.  And it made me RUN harder and faster than I ever have.  Running for all of those people that can't or won't again.
My running story started simply as walking after my diabetes diagnosis in September '12.  Walking was a nice relaxing way to blow off some steam, listen to my tunes and get the 150 minutes of exercise I was requested to get by my doctor.  Walking turned into jogging at some point and I remember the feeling of accomplishment I would have after I picked up the pace.  I also noticed that all of the anxiety, anger and confusion that I would bring home from a long day seemed to disappear as I lost myself in the music, my surroundings and the sound of my own breathing.  On especially rough days, I found myself picking up the pace even more and running to clear my head, maybe even "running" from my problems to a certain extent. 
It was exhilarating and at some point I saw in the mirror what it was doing to my body.  That is the day that it became an obsession.  Yes, I am obsessed with it and no I'm not ashamed to admit that. Running is my release. There are some days that I think about running all day long.  I've even started to get up early, early in the morning (even on a weekend) to go running before I get ready for work or the day.  And then I want to run when I get home.
It is amazing to me how my body has changed, how my mind has changed and how my outlook on life has changed in the last 9 months.  I have pushed myself physically and emotionally more than I ever have in my life and I'm proud of what I have accomplished.  I have shaved off 5 minutes from my mile time since I started running, even though I continue my bad habit of smoking (which I am very close to giving up).  I have lost 10 overall inches from my body.  I have dropped 5 pants sizes and my thighs are like solid boulders!
And I've done it all by myself and all for myself.  Because of running I have found a new person in the jumbled mess I call my brain.  A person with more determination, drive and self love than I could have ever imagined, and I really admire her...